As I write this.......

As I write this, it’s sometime after 2:30 in the afternoon. It’s Christmas Day and I’m alone in my space.

For the last ten weeks or so I have been in a depression that I have not had a in a long time. The reasons that it happened are few. Work has taken over my life and I work long hours and the time that I have to myself comes down to hours. I had “slammed” twice by the boss. And it hurt. To the point where my hands were shaking and I really wanted to cry and I could not at the moment, but I did cry in the night and it happened. I started to hate me. The pain that I inside had just kept building. I hated me. The “slams” also came from one of the people that I work with and that cut through me like a knife. The days where I was so busy and I did not eat and I did not see the sun go down it was just dark. As the holiday season started to get closer work became more busy and the days even longer. The depression that I had was getting deeper with each day. With the longer work days, something inside me was suffering.

I was missing her.
She has “stuff” on her end of the world. The time that I would spend with her online kept getting smaller. She has been there for me. I was alone and I waited for the “light to change” (the light that she was online and was available to chat with.) I looked for the light to change every night. Some nights that light did change and some nights that light did not change. I would have time to talk to her on the phone and that suffered too. She was busy with work and she could not say her words of love to me and I felt alone again.

To be with her is something that I wanted everyday and every night.

To Feel Her……..I can’t.
To Taste Her…….. I can’t.
To Have Her laying in bed next to me……I can’t.
To Have Her in my arms…………..I can’t.
To Feel Her Look at Me as I was talking to Her……..I can’t.
To Feel Her Body as I Make Love to Her………I can’t.
To Hold Her……..I Can’t.
To Hear Her Laugh/Giggle……I can’t.

She wants to held.
Held close so close that she doesn’t want to breathe, as if to break the contact of me holding her.

She has told that she loves me and I believe it.

I know every tone that her voice has and every time that I hear one of the tones, my mind wonders what she is doing at that moment.

Every time that I spend on line with here and we are chatting I can hear her voice in my ear and it feels like a whisper.

I had printed out the last three e-mails that she had sent me and I read them yesterday while I was at work and had a free moment.

They made me smile.

I must have read them four or five times on the train from work, and each time I could hear her voice in my ear. And I carried them in my hand as I got farther and farther away from her and I put them in my bag as to keep them dry from the rain that had been falling last night and they are still in my bag now. Still safe from the rain.

She would not want to sit at home last night because I got out early from work. The work day was over at 7pm and I waited a bit so count the tips that I had made from deliveries that I had done during the day and to have a moment where the phones were not ringing and I could stop moving for a few minutes and I read the e-mails that I had printed out.

It’s nearly 7pm and I have not left my space all day. I have had naps, snacks and “eye rollers”.

The sounds that I hear now are the sounds of traffic and the sounds of the family that I have my space with.

And the sounds of the keyboard of my laptop as my fingers hit the keys.
There are no lights on here. I write this in the darkness of my room and the light that is on comes from my laptop screen. And the lights from outside my window of the street lights.

I don’t need light right now, just the darkness and the sounds of the keys clicking.

It’s quarter to ten pm and I have finished watching a movie on my laptop that had a scene that made me cry just like it did when I saw it on the big screen.
The tears that I shed for the pain that I have right now, and the emotional content of the scene that I was watching. The house is very quiet now and all I can hear right now is the sounds that come from outside and the keys clicking on my laptop.

I have spent the entire day here alone. And being sad is just done and it’s less than 30 days before I get to see Her. I have no real reason to be depressed anymore. Xmas is over and the year 2008 is just down to less than a week. And I can what I want for Xmas ……. Her.

I will hear from her very soon. And I will smile, the smile that I have on my face when I get to hear her voice in my ear saying that she loves me. Or the very soft tone that her voice gets when she tells me that she misses me.

Just thinking about that tone of her voice just gave me a chill and a slight smile on my face. I know that she is out there on her end of the world and she would rather be anyplace where I was. So I could hold her close and she could lean into me just to feel like she matters and feels love, desire and most of all passion.

I could spend a very long time with her and get lost about the time. When it comes to her, time is really not an issue and I have been known to not wear my watch with her.

I really needed this day here alone and really not do anything but write these words and have time to clear my head. I have even turned off my fone so I can have some real downtime with myself and the words that I’m writing right now. I have turned the light on so I can see the keys and the words. My words and thoughts of what is going on in my head and heart.

I really miss her so much that I will get very excited when I get a chance to call her or she calls me.

I wonder what she will say first to me. What ever she says to me, the smile on my face will be special because it is her.

These words that I have put here is my ways of clearing my head and helping to break the depression that I have been under over the last few weeks and it has been seen on my face that I’m getting back to being me. So I will enjoy the time that I have spent here in my space alone and shedding a tear or two for the pain that I have been holding inside for a while now.

The rest of the words that I have are unwritten and thoughts that I have are unknown for now.

But there is one thing that I’m very sure of it is, there is a sassy smart mouth blonde who read these words and maybe she will smile or cry or just want to hold me.

And she will know that I love…….Just Her.

"It was worth the wait....for Her."

"It was worth the wait..........for Her."

The sensation of being with her in the same space as me for those six days that she was in town. I got the chance to see the other side of her. The work side of her, the side that I get to hear /see glimpses of when she is doing work that needs to done for her work. Being with her just made me smile regardless of her state of cool that she has all the time. Even being with her online every night is one thing, but being with her very much alive and breathing the same air as her and smelling her scent on me while I'm at work is a great thing. I had a smile everyday that she was here. The night that she was due here was a very long and very stressful for the both of us. The feeling of her being next to me when she was here in May had not faded from my fingertips. And her kiss, the taste of her kiss was still there when ever I closer my eyes and pulled it from the place where I hide it from the world. I keep it safe, warm and very close to me. Since she told me that she loves me, I have fallen deeper in love with her every day. The love that we have for each other, the universe has done things that let us know that what we feel is real and very special for the both of us. I can feel the love that she has for me. And the love that I have for her. The words and the pictures that the fill this blog are and always heartfelt and heart filled. I create each one just for me and her. I don't know if anyone else reads this and I really don't care. I want to share my life with her and the joy that it brings the both of us.

"It was worth the wait.....for Her.

It was a night just like this when "Blue" was on her way into NY. I was dressed with no style in mind. Thought I was cool and I liked what I wore that night.

Black jeans (that I got because I wanted her to see a different look from me.)
White Dress shirt (fresh from the cleaners with creases so sharp you could get a paper cut type of wound just because you touched the shirt.) and a black neck tie.


The music played and I would look at my watch to see what time it was. I was "A Nervous Long Tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs." I had anxious about where she was, on the ground or somewhere in the air.

"It was worth the wait for........her."

Time passed each day that I was not holding her close to me. The chance to see her again before the year was over was on my mind daily. When she told me that she might be in New York, maybe sometime in August for a trade show. My heart skipped a beat once or twice. With each e-mail that I would get from her, I was getting closer and so was she. Months became weeks and weeks were down to a few days. The days were filled with excitement and silliness. And always there was talking that never ended, maybe interrupted once of twice. It did not matter, just to know that I would get a text or phone message from her and I would smile a smile during the days and nights at work. I could hear her smile over the phone and yes, she gives great text message. I have saved most of them. And all of the phone messages that I saved also so I could hear her voice and her laugh smile and yes even giggle that she has. What a most excellent giggle that she has. I was in love with it after I heard it just once before I saw her face.

Her mouth has this ability to make you feel cool even when you don't. I have watched her talk to me and other people. I have watched her mouth against mine when I have kissed her. It was and still soft and moist to the touch and her taste is still "off the chart".

I have taken pics of her mouth in various shapes and states and if you played the pics like a slide show really fast. It might look like you can hear her talk to you.

I have done it once or twice on my camera and have not done it my laptop yet.

Yes she finds ways to make me smile with words that are filled with laughter or a funny side to it.

"It was worth the wait for…..her".

To be near her and to watch her mind work is very cool thing to feel. Since the first that I was near her, I could hear her mind work. The answers that she gives can do many things. It can make you smile or think or make you laugh and think.

Since she came into my life, things have happened that changed every thing that I thought was cool and I have become even cooler than I was before. I take pics just to share my days and nights with her.

I’m rambling at this point. Getting back to the point of this blog.

I was waiting for her plane to get here to NY.

The weather here in NY was ok earlier in the day. As the day went on, the clouds started to fill the sky. I was busy at work and trying not to look at my watch or the clock that was on wall. I could hear the ticking despite the fact the clock was twenty feet above me. I was ready to get out of work all day so I could wait for her. I had brought all of my stuff with me. I got permission to leave work early so I could be with her one moment sooner. I had gotten changed and put on the clothes that would be so much cooler that I would have worn in the past to see her. The clouds opened and the rain was falling very heavy. Just walking across the street, you could get very soaked before you could hit the other side. As I waited to catch a cab, I was getting wet.

“It was worth the wait ……her.”

As I headed downtown in a cab for a place to hang out and wait for the call that she was on the ground and I should start to look a cab to the hotel that she would be staying at.

My cell phone rang and I could hear her voice in m ear. It was and still is very soothing. She told me that her plane was delayed and she did not know when it would get to the airport. At this point, I thought “God Damn, Airlines! “ What are you doing to me?” Then again I thought the delays are the standard thing that happens to us when she and I get together. When we got together the first time in Chicago (a place that I have never been to before), I had I met her and yet a place that I wanted to see and heard about. All of the times that we have gotten together there have been delays in leaving. Usually happening to me. I have taken lots of pictures from my seat on the plane. Some of my favorite pics have been taken from window seats of planes that I have been on.

I tried to relax as the clock ticked away in my head. I could hear the clock ticking more than the sounds of the bar that I was sitting in. All of the months and weeks of her coming to NY got dragged even more with the delays in the weather and the airlines. I was anxious to her to get closer to me than she already was. I tried to pass the time while I was waiting to hear from her. I took pictures of the rain that was falling outside the bar, and I did get some really great shots of the streets outside. Even though I did get a bit wet while taking the pictures and I did relax slightly, but I was still very anxious to be in her arms and feel her skin under my fingertips.
I thought that I might have to go back to my house and wait for the phone to ring that she was at the hotel drove me a bit batty for a few moments. But I knew in my heart that it would not happen. My cell phone rang as I was outside taking pictures of the falling rain and the wet streets outside of the bar. It was her and I could hear from her tone that it was bad news. She was on the ground in another state due to refueling of the plane. She told that she was ok and would I call the hotel and let them know that she late checking in. and she told that she loved me and I should not worry. And she would call me and let me know what was going on. I had calmed down a bit. I was very relaxed at this point and was wanting to me with her. I waited for a bit and stopped drinking. I was trying to figure out long should I wait before I heading to the hotel and I was waiting for the rain to stop. And then my phone rang and I heard her voice telling me that the plane had landed and I should head toward s the hotel. And I called the folks at the front desk that she would be delayed and should be checking in very soon. I paid my check and got a cab and the cab ride uptown to the hotel, I had a very big smile on my face and in the back seat of the cab, I daydreamed about her and how she looked the last time that I got to see her face. And the smile that was on my face, got a bit bigger. When the cab got to the hotel, I looked for her and I managed to get there before her. I waited for her to get there and the waiting here in the hotel was very nerve racking and I looked at the door every time that I heard or saw it move.

“It was worth the wait……for her.”

The time that they spent together in May seems like it was a very long time ago and to see her again, all of the time that they spent apart was gone with her smile at me. Yes that smile that took my breath away from the first time that I saw it and every time that I have seen it since. To feel her skin under my fingertips and feel the goose bumps rise and feel her body shivers ever so slightly.

There we were together in the hotel room after being apart for months (if feels like so much longer). She looked great and her smile just lit the space that we were in a bit brighter. I could see that she was tired from the trip and all of the changes that she had to go through just to get to me. But there was one thing that I wanted to do was kiss those lips that I could spend days and nights kissing just because I love to kiss her. With that first kiss, I felt all of the time spent apart disappear into nothing. Her taste was back on my lips, each second that I was kissing her; I could feel her relax into my arms. And her kisses got more passionate and deeper that I was holding her close to me. For a moment we just held each other still locked in a passionate embrace. It took an effort to not “peel her like a grape” and make love to her right then and there. I could see it in her eyes that she was just too tired and drained from all of the traveling that she did just to get to this moment with me.
We stopped kissing each other to unpack our gear and just hung for a bit, before we decided to get some sleep. I took a shower and so did she and we laid together under those cool, crisp 600 thread count sheets together and I could feel her body settle in next to me and I kissed on the forehead and on the cheek and kissed her one more time on her moist lips.

I could feel how warm and soft her skin was as she slept next to me. Her body would rise and fall with each breath that she took. It was hard for me to sleep and knowing that she was there with me and I was dreaming what was going on. But I was so very real. And there I was next to her and wanting her. Just wanting to taste her lips again and as I drifted off to one of the many naps that I would have that night. A slight smile came over my face.

Each time that I would wake up from the naps that I would take, I would make sure that she was covered up and close to me. She was never more than a thickness of a sheet of paper from my touch. If I moved she move closer to me as if contact with my body she would wake up in a moment and wonder where I was.

“It was worth the wait……for Her.

The next morning I was awake before her and I slowly got out of bed and sat on the across from the bed where she was sleeping at. I looked at her face and she did not look the same way that I saw her from last night. She really looked so peaceful and so very relaxed. I just sat there in the sunlit room and looked at the face that I love to see every morning and every night. I got a little cold and kissed her forehead and I climbed back into to bed next to her and she moved closer to me as if say “I missed your touch “. And I took some pics of her sleeping and look so relaxed at the same time and she looked so beautiful in those moments. That is the time that I enjoy her the most. At that moment there is nothing that could or should be happening. Sometimes I have seen her have a smirk/smile on her face.
She has the kind of smooth skin that can give you a smile on your face or maybe a bulge in your jeans. There has been more than one time that I have been with her and I had a tingle in my jeans just because she leaned into me and told that she loves me. And there have been times talking with her online has given me the same effect.

She is the one person that I would make love to or “take her” where ever she wanted me to. I have had lots of sex dreams about her or have masturbated to while I was watch porno clips that I have and pretending that it was her and I would have amazing “eye rollers” because she would come into my mind.
I would love to make love her and feel the way that her skin tastes in my mouth as I bite the nape of her neck and feel the goose bumps get bigger. To see her nipples get harder as they strain against the fabric of her bra. To hear her moan slightly as I kiss her and start to remove her clothes and stick my tongue deeper into her moist sweet tasting mouth. Feeling her pull me ever closer as I unloosen her bra and reach for her very soft breast, gently squeeze her nipples with my fingers. Feeling her reach my jeans and feeling the bulge that she started there and her fingertips tracing the outline of my throbbing cock and giving me a knowing squeeze and her tongue getting deeper into my mouth as the kissing that we are doing gets more intense and even more passionate with each second that we are locked in a embrace.
Her skin gets moist from me leaning into her as the heat of our bodies makes us sweat just a bit. I gently pin her against the wall that we are leaning against and break from kissing her to let her catch her breath. Her hair slightly over one eye and I watch her shake her head and move the hair that is in her face. I was watching her as she catches her breath and I can see a very small and single bead of sweat roll between her chest that is heaving slightly and move towards her cleavage. I smile at her and the look of the combination of lust, desire, passion and the look of being in love with me. I can see a slight smile that has formed on her face and she ready for more of me kissing her. The space that is between us is closed within in a moment and I have my tongue in her mouth and I really enjoy the taste. I can feel her very hard nipples poke in my skin as I lean into her and I feel her hands on my back and hold me even closer than she just moments ago. She starts to grind her hips into me and my already throbbing cock is pulsing and getting even harder than it was a few moments ago. She murmurs to me “take my pants off”. I never break contact with her sweet tasting and very moist lips. My hands fumble with the zipper of the slacks that khaki’s that she has been wearing. As I unbuckle them, my finger slides against her smooth tummy and she almost giggles. The waistband of her panties is very silky to the touch. Her hands reached my jeans and she squeezes the bugle in them and I hear her unzip them. And there we are in just our underwear still locked in a kiss that is and has been way over do. I can feel how moist your mouth is and I can’t help and wonder what else on your body is moist. You have spread your legs apart and begin rubbing my hard cock through my underwear as if to get me just a bit harder than I am already am. Your hand has pulled down the waistband of the boxer/brief that I’m wearing and rubbed the tip of my cock and you can feel how hard I really am. And you stop kissing me and manage to say “Is that for me”? And I nod and I’m slightly out of breath to do kissing you. You bend over and just take the head of my swollen member into your mouth past the lips that I was just kissing a few minutes ago. The sensation of your mouth and your tongue just feeling amazing good and spurs me to slide it in and out of your mouth. As I look at you do that, I can see your other hand disappear into your panties. I close my eyes to enjoy what you are doing to me. And then you stop what you are doing and tell me look into your face and watch you slide my cock in and out of your mouth. You stop again and tell me to get on the bed, so you can get deeper and stretch out on the bed.
And once I stretch out of the bed your panties are thrown on the floor and I take you in my arms and slowly enter your very wet pussy and I can feel how wet you are and I just stop moving so you can get to feel me inside you again. You have this look on your face like you are seeing me for the first time. I started move backwards and you have locked your ankles around my waist and pull me deeper so I can get even deeper than I was just moments ago. I get all the way inside you and you grab me even tighter. I kiss you very deeply and you begin to move your hips to match the movement of mine. You shift your hips slightly and the full length of my throbbing cock is all the way inside of you. Your eyes roll back into your head and you hold me even tighter than you already were. And look into my eyes and tell me that you love me and I have a very big smile on my face. You start to grind into me and I can feel your orgasm starting to build and the beginnings of my own orgasm start to build also. With each move that the other makes the waves of pleasure are surging between us. You tell me that you are having an orgasm and that I should plunge into you deeper and I do. Moments later you are having a eye roller and you tell me to “don’t stop Terry, Fill me up, I want your passion deep inside of me” “Show me how much you have missed me, missed my body beneath yours, I want to feel how much want me, how much to love to fuck me.” And with those words I come very deep inside you. And I collapse on top of you and I kiss you deeply and feel the last bit of come inside of you. And as passion for each other slows down and need to touch and be with each other again.


It was worth the wait……for Her.