I got 4 days off to breathe the same air and share her bed and her space. The trip there is funny and kind of low-key and the "travel gods" cut us a break this time. I was very excited to see her in more ways than one. (heh,heh,heh.)
I had spotted her car and I looked at her face when she saw me standing there being the "rock star/club dj/photographer look that I had pulled together two weeks before I really thought about it.
The ride in her car was filled with laughter and lots of smiles and some hand holding too. I even got a tour of the sights on the way to her space. Even the music that was playing was very relaxed. I just wanted to get her alone and really kiss her the way that I have thought since the last time that we were in the same place. And I watched her smile at me when she was telling me about the sights on the way to her space. Her space is just the way that I thought it might be. Lots of light and spaces where you could just lay down on the floor and just stretch out. The amount of natural light that she gets in her space is amazing and very much needed by her.
The following words were written in Jan.2009 after I had came back to Ny and was back at work.
I Hope that you like them.
1-30-2009. 10:28am.
' It's Friday morning and I'm on the bus on the way to work. This time last Friday (1-23-2009.) I was sitting in a airport talking to you. I had a very big smile on my face & almost no voice. I was very much "The Rock star/ Club DJ/ Filmmaker" look that I was wearing on that Friday am. I was very relaxed and also very excited at the same time. As you and I talked on the phone, I could hear your voice & how excited it sounded also. Each step that I took got me closer to you. This time last week, the sun was shining on that Friday am, today there are shades of gray. In the sky above me, on the sidewalks were remains of snow now are grey chunks and slabs of ice. I'm wearing a half-smile this am, because I'm missing you.
2-3-2009 10:30am. It's a Tuesday am and I'm on the bus to work. Last night (2-2-2009) was hard on me. I was busy and was looking forward leaving at 8pm. I was told that I was to stay until 9pm. Another long day for Terry. I was depressed and angry. Which grew into bitterness. Because when 8pm came two members of "wos"left at 8pm & left me with work to finish for them. The last work of my work day went to 9:45pm. I had to clear my head of the bout of the depression bout that I was having, so after doing one last delivery I "surfed" downtown, I was much colder than when I "surfed" to work. My mind was filled with what I was doing at the same time week and I starting to erase the work day from my mind. And have some fun and sing with whatever song came on my Ipod.
2-5-2009 10:34am. It's a very cold Thursday am. I'm on the way to work. The last few days have been hard on me. I was having another bout of depression. It started on Monday while I was at work and by the time that work was over, it was full blown. I was very sad and feeling very alone in the world. I had even posed it on my "Facebook" page. I was ready to feel like that for the next few weeks or months. I wore my baseball hat so low over my face so could see my eyes. I did cry often with a singel tear or tears running down my face when I was alone. I just wanted to be home & hide under the covers.
2-5-2009. 9:30pm. I'm onn the way home from work. Work was slow and two people were out. I spent the day doing mindless-muscle work. But I did not let "wos" get to me. I kept busy and did some searches on the'net to find help. I found two searches that comfortable and on of them is near where I work. I gave them basic info on how to contact me and what was goin on inside of me. The highlight of my day was when I got a text message fro her. The Very special person that I love. Her situation has changed & I went to see her. In Jan.2009. Even now, as I think about, it was a blur of being with each other. We talked, held each other so very close, listened to the silence. Enjoyed being in the same place. I shared her bed where we shared love, laughter, passion, romance, tenderness, silliness, warmth, body heat, sunlight, back rubs, sex, body massages & two people in love. A man & a woman who are in love. I spent sometime while I was with her watching her sleep, work, smile, entertaining herself. I could see glimpses of her just being her. All of the time that we were together, it felt very, very comfortable and vey natural. As if we had this way for a long time. Beitng together on a sunday am each doing our own thing and being close enough to feel each other's skin in less than a heartbeat. To be in a space where there are no sounds of traffic or loud noises to break the sounds of silence. Every time that we took the car to go some where, the sounds of the snow / ice that was already on the ground, sounded loud. She even made me popcorn (the real stuff not the store kind.) During all of the time we spent together was soothing, filled with any number of different things & emotions. I could pick a time that with her and the anwer could be more than one word or ay number of words or just a facial gesture. During my days at work, I always wondered where she is, is she ok in the heart and in the head. Feeling Ok, using her "her ten key" for work. Rocking out to some music (she loves the music that I have sent her, each song that I sent her has some meaning/ message from her or has some meaning to me.) The music that we have shared is varied. But we also have some songs that mean something to us. From the first time that we had a chance to really talk, there was music as our soundtrack. Everything that we had shared, done, enjoyed, and smiled at had a soundtrack ot somekind & sometimes more than most there was just music. I have created or saved "playlists" of songs of music that played on plane flights on the way to or from being with her. I have created a music playlist when she comes here (ny) to be with me or for work. Music that I played back & forth to work & I was staying with her all the time that she was here. I have played some of the music tracks since then, But the playlist has the same order that I have played them. I have seen the playlists that I have created for her on my laptop and I always smile a very big smile & very special smileto myself.
And It's because I just love her.
And Now as I have written all of these words, thoughts, emotions.
They Are, They Have, And Always Will Be
Just for Her.
I LOVE HER SO VERY MUCH.....
